Dancing Mormons
I just finished a memoir I was reading… well, nearly finished. The first hundred pages flew by, the next 100 slowed down and after inching my way through the last 50 pages of story, it finally became too difficult to read. I picked up this book in Barnes and Noble a few weeks ago called, “The New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance”. It immediately had my attention, and how could it not? I love any books, movies, TV shows “Mormon” these days- they suck me in. I’m so fascinated, there’s this morbid curiosity of “but how does it work? Why would people believe that? Are the wives really okay with it, or are they brainwashed?” (This book, by the way, is about a Mormon who does not believe in Polygamy. I am aware that polygamy is not a belief in mainstream Mormon culture…but let’s face it, that’s largely what sucks in my curiosity.)
I love the show “Big Love.” I’m waiting on the edge of my seat for Season 4 to come on Netflix. I listened to the audio book of “The 19th Wife” and almost wish I hadn’t. It was pretty depressing. But while depressing, it was incredibly intriguing. So this was my latest investment into Mormon themed entertainment.
After buying the book (while having buyers remorse and deciding whether to return it before I got the book all crinkly) I read a ton of reviews online. They were pretty mixed, but essentially most Mormons hated the book, and most other people, or at least those that didn’t identify themselves as Mormons, thought it was really funny. That was enough for me. I knew that it was a book about a 20 something Mormon in New York who was wrestling with her faith, and I figured (judgmentally) that the Mormons who read the book had a hard time with her questioning.
For the first half, I LOVED this book. I would still say I loved the book for the sake of how much I loved the first half. She was in fact, a 20 something Mormon who lived in New York, questioned her faith, and tried to figure out how she could balance romantic relationships, the secular world, and the fact that she was Mormon. She also seemed fairly self aware… for the first half. She acted out of her brokenness a lot, especially in her romantic encounters, but the way she wrote it left me thinking she was going to write about how she then changed, and grew. The problem was, whether or not she was aware of her brokenness, it never changed. She continued to seek attention in ways that ended up being pretty damaging, and left me heartbroken for her. Half of the men were sleazy- and a few of the men were actually pretty decent, but got exhausted by her not knowing what she wanted. I wanted her to finally land in a conclusion about whether her faith was really worth not being in relationship with men who didn’t agree with her values. I didn’t even care where she landed, I just wanted her to stop going so back and forth and decide one. That never came.
Finally, I just skimmed the last 20 pages. I was tired of reading about her getting hurt and feeling empty, over and over. I ended the book thinking, “if she had written this 10 years later, it would have been REALLY good. If she could have reached a point of more awareness, and wrote about where she landed with her faith, and how she grew from the experience, I would have loved this book.”
That made me think about my book. I’m writing a book. I won’t go into what it’s about, but I will say, it’s not about my romantic relationships, thank goodness. For my book, and the experience I write about, it is almost “10 years later” (especially by the time I actually finish). Reading this book made me question if I really know, even now, what I was struggling with then. I talk a little in the book about my issues like not knowing how to rely on people when life got rough, but I question if I can put my finger on what has changed in me. I know I have changed at least some, but this book made me question how much. I have no real ending to this blog post. That’s kind of it. I want to get to a point where I can better describe and explain my brokenness, and growth that happened 10 years ago. I still have a lot of current issues to work through obviously, but I think it will be both eye opening and healing, as well as a powerful tool in making my book more entertaining to have a better grasp on why I did the things that I did during that time.
One really hilarious part of this book was the dedication. Keep in mind; this is her dedication to her incredibly conservative Mormon parents:
Mom and Dad,
I could never have done this without your faith, support, and constant encouragement. Thank you for teaching me to believe in myself, in God, and in my dreams.
This book…. Aside from the nine F-words, thirteen Sh-words, four A-holes, page 257, and the entire Warren Beatty chapter…. is dedicated to you.
You might want to avoid chapters twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-three, anything I quote Mom saying, and most of the end as well.
Sorry. Am I still as cute as a button?
Love,
Elna
-Elna Baker, The New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance, 2009
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